A happy day to all you mother’s out there! Especially mine. You women are the breath of life that nurtures us into this world. I am told that it’s an absolute blessing to have and raise children. I would believe it more if my mother didn’t always threaten my brothers and I that her and my father could have been on a beach in the Caribbean instead of parenting.

Jokes on my parents. I’m choosing the Caribbean.  I lack that maternal urge to have children. I’ve felt this way for a long time. I used to think something was wrong with me. Am I just afraid? Do I have a chemical imbalance? I’ve been in a plague of useless comments since I was in my early 20s from people around me saying things like, “you’re still young” and “you have time to change your mind” or “you’re just not ready yet”. They try to convince me I WILL change my mind.

I’m at a point in my life where I could support a healthy upbringing of a child and yet my attitude remains the same. Pregnancy and parenting is just not for me. I grew into accepting that regardless of the promise of fulfillment by fellow women and society, having a baby is not the fulfillment I seek in this lifetime. I do not feel incomplete by not reproducing and it’s ok.

To be blunt

Creating life is beautiful. I wouldn’t even argue that. But I don’t get baby fever. My womb doesn’t yearn to carry a baby. I don’t want one and I thoroughly do not enjoy the necessary commitment for such a venture. I do not want to give up my freedoms, sacrifice my body or have to worry about anyone else but myself. Does it sound selfish? It might be, but it’s honest. I think what’s selfish is to have children because “it’s what you’re supposed to do” and then realize you might have rushed and were not in the best circumstance, health or mindset to actually have a child. 

A woman who can’t get pregnant tells me it’s shameful I don’t want kids because I have a body that will carry a child while others, like her, do not. I’m truly sorry for those women who desperately want children but physically cannot. It must be devastating. Thankfully there are options for them, just like there are options for me. I’m aware I’m lucky to have all the feminine goodness and healthy, working parts but that doesn’t mean I NEED to reproduce simply because I am capable. 

Worth the Discussion

I think it’s worth mentioning that with all the greatness of motherhood there is the reality of darkness. Those little big details that somehow get out shadowed by the breathing techniques in education. The difficulty of what lies ahead when you leave the comfort of the hospital and are now driving home with a newborn baby in your backseat. Too often I see mothers struggle with themselves because they weren’t prepared or educated properly about postpartum depression. Were they informed it most likely will affect them regardless of how hard they try to ignore it? Fliers and posters in the hospitals only do so much. Who sat down and actually TOLD them about the probable hormonal tornado about to blow their house down?

I wish talking about significant problems that seem negative to mothers (and fathers) can be discussed in an open-minded and objective way. A genuine warning would be nice, like, “Hey, FYI, you might feel like you don’t even want to be around your baby ever and find sick pleasure and guilt in letting it sit and cry alone in the crib but no worries that’s totally fine unless you want to harm it or yourself but otherwise it’s just fucked up hormones and it will pass with help and awareness.” Ya know? Something like that… For anyone who has experienced postpartum depression you are not alone and it is more common than you think*

A Note To My Mother

Dear Dirty Diana

Hello, Mother.
I love you to the moon and back. I appreciate you for giving me all your good looks. If it wasn’t for your authoritarian parenting (“tomorrow you go nowhere!”) I would probably definitely be imprisoned for life. Thank you for never letting me forget my brain. Thanks for choosing to be a mother two more times so I could have brothers although you didn’t have to continue because you had already created perfection. When I win the lottery I’ll send you and AR on a permanent vacation…